to paati...

~DEATH~ the very mention of the word saddens me... coz it forcefully brings to mind the fact that my paati is no more... feb 23rd... thats when God decided to take her back... healthy, strong, independent and brave... thats wat my paati was... till death took its toll... i could barely recognise her as she lay there... dead... cruel!

wat is left behind, as far as im concerned is a feeling of deep regret... accompanied by a sense of guilt... i was so absorbed in my routine, that i barely spoke to my paati during her last few days... she didnt look her 81 yrs... i didnt know she'll be gone so soon... i didnt realise id miss her so... i didnt include time for her in my routine... there is so much i didnt do... and now its too late... God! i hate those words... "too late".... too late to hug her... too late to tell her i love her so... too late to cook for her... come to think of it, she never knew i could cook... too late to talk to her and ask her wat sort of a person she was when she was my age... too late... too late for anything... its a sickening feeling... realising that...

for all the times i walked past her, nose buried in a book.... for all the times i sat there listlessly changing channels as she sat there, probably wanting to tell me something... for all the hugs we never shared... for all the conversations we might have had... for all the words left unspoken... im sorry paati...

now it hits me... how we take ppl for granted... grow so accustomed to seeing them around, that we accord them as much attention as we do to furniture... oh! if i cud but turn bak time... if i could but snatch a few minutes with her... to tell her... that i love her...

paati has succeeded in teaching me a lesson... one that i'll not forget in a hurry... a lesson conveyed to me by her demise... without her so much as saying a word... if u love someone, tell them so.... if u care, show it... if u have a kind word, say it... dont set it by for the morrow... for wat tomorrow brings, tomorrow alone knows...

words left unspoken can taunt... wat i failed to say in person, im endeavouring to say in prayer... hoping paati is listening... "paati, i love you"....