F-R-U-S-T-R-A-T-E-D

to frustrate : to prevent, thwart, defeat, foil, balk, baffle, nullify, stymie, disappoint, discourage, disappoint, hinder, prevent..."to frustrate means to deprive of effect or render worthless an effort directed to some end"....

hmmm... no wonder it feels so bad to be frustrated! ur subjected to so many emotions! :D well, i know it doesnt require me to spell it out, (again), but im frustrated! as frustrated as could be! for the first time in my life im feeling helpless! never before now, was there no way out... never before now, was there no way of making things better by just working harder... never before now, were things so bad, never before now, did God desert me!

im sitting here, waiting for God knows wat, watching everything around me deteriorate... i came here to do something... and im doing everything but that... im waiting.... waiting only to be told that i have to wait some more... im hoping... hoping against hope that there is still some hope left... im praying... praying so hard for my prayers to be heard...

i sometimes feel im teetering on the edge of sanity... one step more n its "goombye sanity! hello insanity!"... its horrible to be frustrated... its not something i enjoy being... its not something i can escape either... n if i do... temporarily, that is, it always catches up... bigger than ever... more depressing than before... aaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

thats it! im too frustrated to think! im leaving this post unfinished! frustration has taken its toll.... again!

203 C Street...

203 C Street... the place i call home...
within these four walls (13 walls actually) my life unfolds...
i do more than just stay here... its not just another dorm...
the place has seen so many emotions,,, i bet it could emote too, before long...
i cry... i laugh... i smile...
i frown... i curse... i sigh...
i give up... i rekindle hope...
all here... in this one room...


the day i took my great leap,,, to america... the distant land...
203 C street was awaiting my arrival... a friend on unknown sands...
at first it was just a room,,, somewhere i could bed down for the night...
but little by little it grew on me,,, n now... its a part of my life...


if a schedule is cancelled... or if a friend acts up...
203 C street... is all i can think of...
it hides my tears,,, from the scorn of the world...n calms... n comforts...
it gives me all the space i need,,, till i realise i care no more...


it witnessed one of the best parties ever,,, the day i turned 22...
friends n acquaintances filled it up... and the room seemed to enjoy it too...


"walls have ears",,, people say... if true that ever were,,,
203 C street wud know a lot by now,,, of that im pretty sure!


and if this post seems pointless, u better think again...
the point is - life aint easy,,, in a land that is foreign...
its all very well to envy those,,, who tread the road not often taken...
but all ur envy is in vain... why, at times we feel God forsaken!!!!


"there! there!" says 203 C street, "life aint so bad"...
n i nod my head in agreement,,, it just wudnt do to get too sad...
good times and bad,,, u find them everywhere...
whether ur abroad or at home,,, ur cross,,, u have to bear...
theres no such thing as easy living...life's after all... a balance of giving and receiving...
why, before i personalised with attention,,,even 203 C street... was dull and foreboding!!!!

i'm so mad

arrrgggghhhh... sometimes things just get you down! n so many things have been going wrong of late.... my schedules are few and far apart... i just cant stop worrying abt them! i'm yet to write my CATs...

n there's some girl thinking all she's trying to steal is candy... im so mad/shocked/unhappy abt that i cant say anymore... if i ever do, it will be a whole blog entry!

n the latest thing that got to me was google checkout! so annoying! i make my first ever purchase, i repeat, my first ever purchase, n the damn thing mails me telling me ive been creating multiple accounts so i get the $10 rebate thingy! arrrrggghhhh! im sooo mad! that was such a waste of time! seriously! google checkout,,, you wasted my time... a lot of it! aaarrrggghhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!

well, atleast something's are off my mind... few other things... well... they will remain... until then... i remain... just soooo mad!

jealousy...

jealousy... that's something we all feel... at some point in time or the other... there's so much of it to go around... but jealousy is one trait thats more harmful to the person harbouring it than the one it is aimed at... hmmm... jealousy can rip ur mind apart n tap dance on it!!! take u from the heights of happiness to the depths of despair... may the good lord protect us... from jealousy...

to friends... old n new....

what would life be without people to talk to?
what would life be without people to confide in?
what would life be without people to laugh with?
what would life be without people to care for?
just what would life be without these people... these people we term "friends"?

i for one, was never the sort who would die for friendship... dont think i have had a character change now either... so what is it that urges me to write this post? well... i might not die for friendship,,, but friendship sure makes life worth living.... this post is just a lil reminder... to all my friends... old and new... as well as to myself... that i love them! thanks for being in my life...

to keerthi... for being the best sister ever and the first friend i ever had! love you lil one!
to hari and nivi... for being the best playmates and for having made summer holidays the best time of the year..
to shalini... for all the fun times!
to saradha akka n raj anna... for the best times i've had in the US of A...
to swaytha, eliza, sandhya, ruby, divya, vasudha, sweta, megna... for being there... ever since i can remember... love u all so much!!!
to all the josies... never known friends like u...
to pash... for making bvb feel like home..
to kiran... for being himself...
to naren... for not being the lecherous-old-pervert he mightve been... :D
to monika and powviya... my guardian angels!!! love u!
to vishal... my best friend for life...
to ruhi... for being my lil sister!!!

and to amma and appa... for believing in me...

to lassie.... for being the whackiest, laziest, cutest, most useless doggie ever!!!

i could go on n on... its a lovely feeling... whoever it was who said count your blessings..., sure knew what he was talking about... for all the people i left out... HUG!!! love you all...